All things come to an end

I am writing this on the night before my final day of high school. Today I had my last taught periods in the school that I have been going to for the past 6 years and with the friends I have known for the last 13. Tomorrow I will go back into the school for one final time as a student to say goodbye to teachers who have taught me for 3 years in some cases and experience my first taste of a graduation ceremony of sorts. It's a bittersweet feeling.

As many of you will know, high school didn't hold many fond memories up until this year. Before I reached my final year in the hell hole I couldn't wait to leave and in some respects I am still excited at the prospect of this time in my life coming to an end. This year however has seen me change a considerable amount. I am much more confident in myself and I have found it a lot easier to make friends. I have gone to having only two close friends so around 20 or so people that I feel completely comfortable around which for me is a shocker. This year has also made me more sure of what I want to do in the future and for that I will never forget it.

The idea that this time tomorrow, actually in around 15 hours from now, I will no longer be a high school student is terrifying. Yes, I still have exams to sit starting next week before I'm finally free but officially I will no longer be in the education system. The next taught class I have will be a lecture in September that I will be paying five grand a year for. That's whats scary. Moving to Glasgow and leaving everything behind is finally starting to feel real and it is making me second guess myself. Not about moving but about whether I'm ready to move five hours away from everything that I know.

I think my main issue is that this year I have become comfortable. I have expanded my previously minuscule comfort zone, occasionally still stretching the walls, but the thought of having to leave it scares me. I'm worried that when I'm no longer in this bubble of comfort I will no longer feel as secure and go back to my old ways of constant anxiety and never ending worrying. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared to leave school as I'm unsure as to whether I've actually changes or whether I've just become comfortable in the school environment. But I guess its time to find out.

I have made plans with friends for over the next few months in order to ensure I do keep in contact with them and have things to look forward to. For example, tomorrow after graduation me and some friends are driving to the nearest city, around an hour away, with a massive playlist of roadtrip music to sing along to and the intentions of going to see Age Of Ultron and go get some pizza. It's good to have things to look forward to I find that it helps me move forward and not get stuck in how I'm feeling at the time.

I guess I should go and get on with preparing my outfit for tomorrow since we are all dressing up, but I just thought I would write something quick so that I can look back on it in the future, maybe when I'm in uni to remind myself of how silly I was being, or later when I'm preparing for my next graduation which will be more exciting than this one. Well, wish me good luck for tomorrow, I just hope I don't cry to much and look like a crazy person.