The one where I go home for Christmas

I've found that University is just a life of being unsettled. When I'm at home I would give anything to be back at uni enjoying the life of having nobody to answer to but yourself, and when I'm at uni all I can think about is being back home and being looked after by my parents. I'm never content.

After three months of living in the big smoke five hours away from my parents, when I finally completed the dismal journey back up home for Christmas I came to realise something. It wasn't one of those feelings that hits you smack bang in the face, it was more like a slow burn. The kind that makes your skin crawl because something doesn't feel quite right but you just cant put your finger on it. And then after a few days it came to me, home didn't feel like home anymore. This was no longer the place that I spent lazy days off and knew where each and every thing was kept. Things had changed while I was gone.

I guess I just didn't take all that much time to think about the fact that my family and everyone that I once knew would move on with their lives just as I was moving on with mine. Its stupid really, that some part of me expected to go back up home and expect to pick up where I'd left off in September. On Christmas day when we were all in the car going to visit my grandparents, just like we have done so many times before, I felt too big for the car. Like I didn't quite fit anymore. My parents were having conversations with my little brother about things that I had not been there for and sharing inside jokes that I didn't understand. I was becoming an adult. And I didn't like it.

When it came time for me to move back down to university for the second semester it was an all together different experience from the lovely family day that we had in September. This time I was doing it on my own. After weeks of being wrapped up in the comfort blanket of my home and family it came time to put my girl panties on again and make the lonely journey back to dreary, grey Glasgow. To a place that although holds this magical promise of a better future, contains nothing for me just a cold and lonely halls room, pushing myself to the absolute limit and being so busy I have time to just appreciate each day as it comes. 

All it does is make me question whether putting myself through the constant tears every time I miss my home and endless lonely nights curled up in bed escaping my current reality watching Netflix or reading, just anything to feel something other than another wave of sadness rolling in. Everyone that I have ever talked to about University never has anything but amazing things to say about it. I cant help but thing that I'm the only person who thinks that it isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I just hope that in the future I look back on my time here with fondness. 

I am a person who needs routine in my life which is painstakingly obvious around freespirited first years who are just in awe of their new unsupervised life. Sometimes the idea of having another three and a half years of this is a little too much to handle. I just hope that everyone is right in saying that soon I will no longer grieve my carefree high school days and that I will make a life for myself in the city as opposed to just mourning the passing of time. I thought that going to uni was going to help me find myself, help me break free from the expectations that had once been placed upon me and be true to my nature. So far I'm pretty sure all ive done is crawl further into my shell.

However, I am determined to make this semester different. Being back home changed my perspective slightly. Ive come to realise that I am lucky to be torn between Glasgow and Elgin. I'm lucky to consider two places home and have friends is either so much so that wherever I am I miss the other place. I need to stop moping and change how I feel about being here. I am not stuck here, I chose this. So I have made it my mission to fall back in love with Glasgow. To take a little time each week to do something new. I figure if I'm going to be spending the majority of my time here over the next three years or so, I need to let myself enjoy it.

My 2016 Goals

If you've read some of my posts from this time last year, you will know I am not one for new years resolutions, I prefer to make goals for the year ahead as opposed to trying to say drink more water or eat more vegetables. I say those things every sunday night, 'oh lets start this on monday,' and they never happen and to me new years day is just the mother of all mondays. So I have made up a list of a few goals that I wish to achieve in 2016 and I thought I would share them with you. I've also decided to try and post a blog post on each thing as I acheive them so that I can look back and remember all I have acomplished. 

The Biggies

1. Pass all my first year exams without resits: this one is pretty self explanitory, I plan to put  alot more effort into my course this semester and not just scrape a pass in the finals 

2. Go to Kavos and enjoy myslef: I am a worrier. I stress about everything outside my control, so I am making it my mission to ensure I let my hair down a little in Kavos and enjoy myself while im there

3. Get a tattoo: I have been dreaming of getting tattoos since I was about 14 but due to me being a giant wuss I keep putting it off. I am absoloutly determined to get at least one before summer though.

4. Make a new recipie every week: I want to get back into cooking and enjoy it. I used to love cooking new things, but since I have moved out it has become more of a chore than for enjoyment.

5. Do something that scares you: As i've already said I am a stresser and a wimp. I tend to stick in my comfort zone as much as humanly possible but it is good to break out every once and a while.

6. Be more comfortable in my own body: I have always had a lot of body image problems but I really want to nip that in the bud as much as I can and stop it from holding me back.

The small ones

1. Visit Kelvingrove art gallery: Another thing I have been meaning to do since I moved to Glasgow but keep putting off becuase the thought of going on the Subway to get there scares me. 

2. Visit the Necropolis: Oh look, another think I keep putting off. I really want to walk to the necropolis and cathedral one day to take some really nice pictures.

3. Eat at Bills in Glasgow: I recently discovered that there was a Bills in Glasgow and I really want to visit at some point.

4. Go to the EyeBall: The Optics end of year ball that involves wearing a dress and socialising with new people. This is one thing that I will definatley have to psych myslef up for 

5. Buy a high end lipstick: I love makeup. I am obsessed. I want to treat myself to a REALLY high end lipstick at some point, maybe YSL or Charlotte Tillbury. 

6. Go to Edinburgh for the day: Again, something that I have been meaning to do since I moved here. Ive only been to edinburgh twice before and both times hold some not too nice memories so I'd really like to go back and make some new ones.

7. Blog more: I really got out of the habit of blogging when I went to uni but recently I have been missing it a lot, so I want to try and make time to blog a little bit more this year. 

The one where I am a typical student

In the past (almost) 3 months of being at university I have come to realise that there are a few things you cannot escape during your time as a student. There are some seemingly preposterous situations that you will without a doubt find yourself in no matter how hard you try, some good and some that you would rather never be mentioned ever again. Following on from my last post where I mentioned that I feel some people are not fully prepared for the downsides of university life, I decided to compile a little list of these situations that you will, without a shadow of a doubt, find yourself in within your first few weeks at university.

Things that will happen when you go to University:
1. 1am will become an early night and 11am will become an early morning
2. 9am lectures will become a no-go
3. You will require afternoon naps
4. At some point you will wake up covered in your own sick after a particularly brutal night out (especially if drunk you thinks that tequila is a good idea)
5. You will experience the taste of sour milk after you forget how long is has been open for when trying to make yourself some cereal at 3am

6. Best before dates no longer exist
7. Vegetables are a distant memory
8. You will stay up till 5am watching Netflix. At least twice per week.
9. You will miss home no matter how excited you were to move out
10. You will seriously question how much you even need a degree when its 8.50am, you've had 2 hours sleep, you have a lecture in 10 minutes and your bed has never been more comfortable

11. You will realise that uni is not as glamorous as you thought it would be: it is tears and it is stress and it is real
12. Your flatmates will make you question whether a 15 year jail sentence it worth it for a decent nights sleep
13. You will begin to hate the sight of pizza after cooking for yourself for 3 weeks
14. And you will realise why all normal people have a dishwasher
15. You will run out of underwear but just rock the commando look for a few days because who even needs underwear anyway
16. You will make the 'executive decision' to skip a lecture since all the information goes up online but still feel guilty as hell

If you have anymore typical student experiences then feel free to leave them in the comments as I would love to see other peoples take on this. Until next time.

The one where Uni is not all it's cracked up to be

I penned my last little blog post in the midst of a flurry of change in my life. Now that things have had a little while to settle down and I have got myself into a nice little routine, I thought it about time I update you all on my progress (or lack thereof).

Over the past month since I last posted in my little online comfort zone I have discovered many things about myself. The main thing that I have realised is that I am not somebody who was designed to live far away from home. I am without a doubt, 100% a home bird. No matter how much my parents piss me off or how irritating my little brother can get, I would take all of that tenfold to be able to be in my cozy little family home right now. I enjoy my own space, don't get me wrong, but honestly there is nowhere that I would rather be right now than with my parents and me brother.

About a month after I moved down to Glasgow I headed back up home for the weekend and I cried pretty much the whole time. I cried on the train going home. I cried when my parents met me at the station. I cried when I climbed into my very own bed for the first time in four weeks because my bed smelt like my bed and my pillows felt like my pillows. You get the drift. I was a mess. One week after this little visit I decided that the prospect of not going home again until Christmas was not one that I could face so alas I decided the forgo two of my lectures in the middle of November and go home for a day instead.

I feel like nobody really prepares you for the bad side of university. The whole way through high school it's spun as this amazing experience that you will remember for the rest of your life, but it has so many downsides. After the fun and games of freshers week is over, its really just like school but much, much harder.

I have a pretty full on course compared to lots of other people so I can fully expect to be in university from around 9am until 5pm all week, but that's not the end of it. I then have to come back to my flat to then go over lecture notes, write up lab reports, do further reading, prepare for labs/tutorials/lectures the next day... It goes on and on and on.

Add all that studying to having to cook or prepare every meal you eat, wash the dishes every day, washing your own clothes, having to go out and do a food shop and god forbid working all weekend... It all adds up to you having little to no time to yourself. How the stigma of uni students being out drinking every night arose I have no idea because I certainly don't have the time. My favourite part of the day has become the few hours I have to spare between finishing my lecture prep and going to sleep, and even that I have to organise to work out whether I'm going to use it to clean, shower, catch up on some missed sleep or relax with a movie. 

Don't get me wrong though, I have had a good experience so far I just feel that in my constant daydreaming about moving to Glasgow for months on end wasn't exactly taking into account the practical aspects of university life. Some days are ok, other days I just want to curl up into a ball and drown my sorrows in Grey's Anatomy for 12 hours straight. But in the end I just need to keep reminding myself why I have to put myself through this right now as in the long run I will certainly be greatful that 18 year old homesick me decided to suck it up and get on with it.

The One Where I Move To Glasgow

As many of you will know if you have been reading this blog for a while now, I have spent the past few months preparing to move away from the dreary countryside town that I grew up in to the big city lights of Glasgow for University. After months of planning, paperwork and stress the time finally came this past Saturday and now here I am in the center of the city in my little home away from home.

I'm going to put it simply, I was absolutely terrified about moving away from everything that I have ever known. I had spent the past five years dreaming of escaping my little comfort bubble up north but as it got closer and closer to moving day I began to loose all faith in myself and my decisions. I began to love the podunk little town that I used to see as a cage that stopped me from going out there and living my life, and I became much closer to my parents who I had previously had a rather strained relationship with. I didn't think that I could do it and for the last month of living at home I began to dread the inevitability of leaving. 

The only thing that kept me going was the fact that Glasgow is the only Uni in Scotland that offers my course. I had no option but to move here. There was no option just to move an hour away for me, it was either move to the big scary city or not do the course I wanted to do. I honestly believe that if I had planned on studying anything else I would not have ended up moving. And so far, moving here has been the best thing that I have ever done for myself.

I have always been a very introverted person and I always will be, but as a result of that I tend to get myself comfortable and then never stray away from what and who I know. Down here that isn't an option. I'm not a really big fan of drinking, but at Uni that's how you get to know people so its just what you have to do. Every night since I have been down here I have been to at least 2 flat parties, which is massive for me. I would never usually entertain the idea of going to a party where I know nobody but it doesn't seem quite so scary here.

Saying that only one out of the 3 nights that I have gone out resulted in drinking, but that's just a personal choice more than anything.  And every night bar the first, I have been back in my tiny home by 12pm ready to snuggle up and watch some netflix for a little while, but again that's just me. If I was going out getting bladdered every night and not getting in until 4am I would be rather concerned about myself.

So in my opinion, I am doing pretty well so far. I have made a good few friends in the last 4 days that I have been down here and had plans to meet up with someone most afternoons, whether its to do a bit of shopping or to chill in someones flat with a pizza it's all coming along quite well. It's still very lonely, and yesterday I spent a good 3 hours contemplating buying a train ticket to head back up home for a few days, which I am sure will happen quite regularly, I succeeded in convincing myself that if I went home that I wouldn't come back and that I am capable of doing this. 

Little Book Haul: July 2015

Hello there by lovelies, today I thought that it was about time I updated you all on my latest book purchases since it has been quite a while. After going a little crazy with the book buying earlier this year, I haven't felt the need to bulk buy any books since so there hasn't really been any need to make a blog post about it. However I feel as though I have collected together a decent enough amount of books to make a little post of all my recent purchases.

So at the beginning of the month I was given the title as Dux of my high school for the time that I've been there which is a pretty big deal apparently. Basically its the UK version of valedictorian. Along with this I was given a voucher for a UK book shop chain so lo and behold I decided against using the voucher sensibly and instead bought myself some books that I have been lusting over.

The first of these was Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover. After reading Slammed and Hopeless earlier in the year (review can be found here) I have been desperate to try out this little beauty and finally got round to picking it up. I have heard nothing but praise for this book and I cannot wait to get around to reading it.

Next I got Court of Thorns And Roses by Sarah J Mass and to be perfectly honest I don't have much of an idea what this book is about other than the fact that it's a Beauty and the Beast retelling. I was basically sold as soon as I heard that, I mean its Sarah J Mass its going to be fabulous whatever it's about.

Following up from my absolute obsession with Wait For You by J Lynn as you can see in my review here, I picked up two other books in the companion series, Be With Me and Stay With Me. I can't work out how I feel about reading these books. On one hand I am excited at the prospect of finding another book I enjoyed as much as Wait For You, but I'm also scared that they just wont live up to my expectations. 

I also finally got around to picking up Outlander by Diana Gabaldon on the recommendation by Tashopolis on youtube and a friend from work. Both seems to sing the praises of this series, along with the tv show which I refuse to start watching until I at least finish the first book. 

And finally I also treated myself to One Perfect Summer by Paige Toon who is actually one of my favorite romance authors for the summer time. I am around 200 pages into this book and I have become slightly obsessed with the premise.

Summer 2015 Evening Skincare Routine

Hello my lovelies, as you can tell I have been noticeably absent as of late *slaps wrist*, but this working full time nonsense isn't exactly easy is it? I am tired ALL THE TIME, but I have a day off today so I decided it was about time I headed back to my favorite little home on the internet and made a new addition to my little blog. Today I'm going to be talking about skincare.

For the past 2 years or so I have had a pretty wishy-washy skincare routine, I didn't really know what I was meant to be doing other than the fact I needed to remove my makeup before bed (usually using makeup wipes...I know it makes me cringe too), to be perfectly honest I had no idea what the hell toner was other than the fact that my mum used it every night before bed, and I thought that due to my oily/combination skin that mousturiser was a no go area. Oh how I have learned. 

My recent interest in skincare admittedly steams from discovering the blog of skincare queen Caroline Hirons, and boy I am not even kidding, if you haven't read her blog then what have you even been doing with your life? Seriously, her advise will change your life. So I changed my pretty bog standard and shamefully absent skincare routine of late and I have noticed a pretty huge difference in the appearance and feel of my skin. 

As a general rule, if I have been wearing makeup during the day I will start my skincare routine by taking this off using the Soap & Glory Ultimelt hot cloth cleanser, but if it's a no makeup day I tend to skip this step. I bought this a few months ago after spotting it in Boots as an alternative to my well loved Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water, as I was pinning after Cleanse and Polish but unwilling to splash the cash on it baring in mind I had never used something of the sort before. Boy am I impressed. I still cannot get over the amazing clean feeling that I get when I use this as it feels so nice and refreshing on the face. I always feel like I've removed every scrap of makeup after cleansing with this.

After the hot cloth cleanser (provided I've been wearing makeup) I always follow this up with a second cleanser as I am one of those people who prefer to double cleanse. If I've been wearing heavy makeup say for a night out or a special occasion I pick up my trusty  Micellar water for this step but generally I like to use a more soothing cleanser and recently I've been reaching for my Clarins Cleansing Milk. I picked this up on recommendation from a friend and I am so pleased that I went with her advice as I absolutely love this step in my routine.This product just feels so hydrating and nourishing to my skin and I wouldn't be without it now.

I follow up my cleansing spree with two types of toner, first an exfoliating acid toner and then a hydrating toner. My current acid toner of choice is the Clearasil Superfruits Refreshing Pads. I have been using some variation of these pads since I was about 13 years old to tackle acne and even now at 17 where my skin is a lot clearer I still cannot let go of these little pots of magic. Each time I run out of these and go a few days without them I immediately notice a deterioration in the quality of my skin to the point that I genuinely have 4 tubs of this in my skincare drawer right now. This is the area of my skincare routine that I am most interested in experimenting with. I have just ordered the REN Clarimatte Toner and I really want to try out the cult Pixi Glow Tonic at some point soon.

As I hydrating toner I tend to keep it basic with either the Soothing Toner from Simple, an old favorite, or my recent go to product which is the Clarins Chamomile Toning Lotion. Either one do the job but I find the Clarins one, while obviously more expensive to be well worth the money. It's incredibly soothing and refreshing on the skin particularly in problem areas such as my cheeks. It really helps combat redness.

Following up from this I like to apply my eye cream which at the moment is the Soap & Glory Puffy Eye Attack Hydragel. The the thing I like the most about this product is the gel consistency and how cooling it is on the eyes. I am pretty new to eye creams but this is certainly a firm favorite so far.

Next I follow this up with some kind of face mist. My most recent addition to my little collection, and the one I have found myself reaching for most often, is the Monu Spa Rosewood Reviving Mist which I received in my June 2015 Glossybox. While this Glossybox was rather uninspiring, I really love the scent of this spray. This step, while not essential, is particularly nice and refreshing on hot, humid days during summer.

Next it's time to crack out the serum. This is the step which I feel has made the biggest difference in the clarity and condition of my skin. As part of an offer I received the Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase and let me tell you it has become my new holy grail product. I fricking love this stuff. Obscenely expensive for little 17 year old me but by gosh is this stuff worth it. If the name itself doesn't clue you in to how nourishing this is on your skin then I don't know what will. This stuff has done wonders for me. 

The part of my skincare routine that I am struggling the most with is moisturiser. I cannot seem to find one that I like so if you have any advice please feel free to leave it below and tell me which moisturiser you love. Right now however I have been using the Teoxane Perfect Skin Refiner that I received in my beautiful French-themed July Glossybox this month. I have not been using this product for very long so I shall report back at a later date on how effective it is but as of now I am really enjoying it. 

Finally I like to use a little lip scrub, Lush The Kiss anyone? Then I will slap on the first lipbalm that I can reach before curling up in bed to read for a few hours before going to sleep.

So that is my Summer 2015 Evening Skincare Routine and I hope you enjoyed it. If this is something that you would like to see more of then just let me know.