The one where I go to the Necropolis

This week I was lucky enough to score myself two days off uni due to lectures being cancelled, so obviously instead of spending that time wisely, I decided to check off one of my goals for this year. I had intended to just have a jammy day on Wednesday but when I woke up to beautiful blue skies and sunshine I threw on some comfy clothes and my gym trainers and off I went to explore Glasgow a little. 

The Necropolis isn't too far from my flat but I've always put off visiting it as its in an area of the city that I have never ventured into with other people before, never mind alone, and we all know I'm basically a giant wimp and afraid of all the different ways in which this situation could veer out of my control but I did it. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and I absolutley loved it.

If you're not familiar with the Glasgow Necropolis, it is essentially a 19th century, 37 acre garden cemetery built up a steep hill in the middle of the city. It overlooks Glasgow Cathedral and provides absolutely stunning views of the east end of the city giving a real sense of the mix of modern, industrial and Victorian buildings that the city has to hold. 

While on lower ground it appears like a standard cemetery, as you follow the various paths that ascend the hill there are much more ornate statues, highly decorated tombs build into the side of the hill and war graves. Apparently the idea was that those of higher social standing were buried higher up the hill. At the very peak of the hill there is a large memorial column dedicated to John Knox who was the leader of the Protestant Reformation in Scotland in the 16th century. This is my favourite part of the Necropolis as the views from here are stunning.

Glasgow Cathedral is just another highlight. If you didn't know, I have a love of Gothic architecture. Its not something that I plan my life around or anything but by gosh when I find myself next to a work of absolute art like the Glasgow Cathedral or in the Gothic Quarter in Barcelona or by the Notre Dame in Paris...I can't quite explain the draw I feel towards it. So needless to say the perfect views of the stunning hidden gem made my day.

There were two main things that struck me about the Necropolis, two things that made it more than just a nice place to go for a walk. The first was the mixture of people from different walks of life laid to rest here. One minute you can be reading the headstone of a soldier and the next that of a renowned Chemist or Philosopher. There is just something about it that I find incredibly special. As you all know I'm a huge history nerd. I'm just so fascinated by it all.

The second thing that struck me about the Necropolis was just how special it feels and I cant quite put my finger on why. If you have ever been before then you know that the atmosphere just engulfs you as soon as you walk in. It may be the fact that this beautiful place is just teaming with history. It may be the strange admiration for a place which is essentially just an old cemetery. It may be the fact that the whole time you are there, you are somewhat unaware that you are in the middle of the biggest, most industrialised city in Scotland. In that hour, or however long you may spend there, you feel removed from it all. Like somehow you are not part of this city but simply observing it. You feel on top of the world. Untouchable. 

It is safe to say that I, without a shadow of a doubt, have now found my place of sanctuary in the fast paced city that sometimes overwhelms my little old country bumpkin self. City life more often than I like to admit gets a little overwhelming and I feel like I'm being swallowed up by this face paced world that I don't belong in. To me the Necropolis is peace. It is quiet. It is a place to escape and just think. To take some time out and when I walk back out those gates, feel grounded and ready to take on the city again. 

The one where I go home for Christmas

I've found that University is just a life of being unsettled. When I'm at home I would give anything to be back at uni enjoying the life of having nobody to answer to but yourself, and when I'm at uni all I can think about is being back home and being looked after by my parents. I'm never content.

After three months of living in the big smoke five hours away from my parents, when I finally completed the dismal journey back up home for Christmas I came to realise something. It wasn't one of those feelings that hits you smack bang in the face, it was more like a slow burn. The kind that makes your skin crawl because something doesn't feel quite right but you just cant put your finger on it. And then after a few days it came to me, home didn't feel like home anymore. This was no longer the place that I spent lazy days off and knew where each and every thing was kept. Things had changed while I was gone.

I guess I just didn't take all that much time to think about the fact that my family and everyone that I once knew would move on with their lives just as I was moving on with mine. Its stupid really, that some part of me expected to go back up home and expect to pick up where I'd left off in September. On Christmas day when we were all in the car going to visit my grandparents, just like we have done so many times before, I felt too big for the car. Like I didn't quite fit anymore. My parents were having conversations with my little brother about things that I had not been there for and sharing inside jokes that I didn't understand. I was becoming an adult. And I didn't like it.

When it came time for me to move back down to university for the second semester it was an all together different experience from the lovely family day that we had in September. This time I was doing it on my own. After weeks of being wrapped up in the comfort blanket of my home and family it came time to put my girl panties on again and make the lonely journey back to dreary, grey Glasgow. To a place that although holds this magical promise of a better future, contains nothing for me just a cold and lonely halls room, pushing myself to the absolute limit and being so busy I have time to just appreciate each day as it comes. 

All it does is make me question whether putting myself through the constant tears every time I miss my home and endless lonely nights curled up in bed escaping my current reality watching Netflix or reading, just anything to feel something other than another wave of sadness rolling in. Everyone that I have ever talked to about University never has anything but amazing things to say about it. I cant help but thing that I'm the only person who thinks that it isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I just hope that in the future I look back on my time here with fondness. 

I am a person who needs routine in my life which is painstakingly obvious around freespirited first years who are just in awe of their new unsupervised life. Sometimes the idea of having another three and a half years of this is a little too much to handle. I just hope that everyone is right in saying that soon I will no longer grieve my carefree high school days and that I will make a life for myself in the city as opposed to just mourning the passing of time. I thought that going to uni was going to help me find myself, help me break free from the expectations that had once been placed upon me and be true to my nature. So far I'm pretty sure all ive done is crawl further into my shell.

However, I am determined to make this semester different. Being back home changed my perspective slightly. Ive come to realise that I am lucky to be torn between Glasgow and Elgin. I'm lucky to consider two places home and have friends is either so much so that wherever I am I miss the other place. I need to stop moping and change how I feel about being here. I am not stuck here, I chose this. So I have made it my mission to fall back in love with Glasgow. To take a little time each week to do something new. I figure if I'm going to be spending the majority of my time here over the next three years or so, I need to let myself enjoy it.

My 2016 Goals

If you've read some of my posts from this time last year, you will know I am not one for new years resolutions, I prefer to make goals for the year ahead as opposed to trying to say drink more water or eat more vegetables. I say those things every sunday night, 'oh lets start this on monday,' and they never happen and to me new years day is just the mother of all mondays. So I have made up a list of a few goals that I wish to achieve in 2016 and I thought I would share them with you. I've also decided to try and post a blog post on each thing as I acheive them so that I can look back and remember all I have acomplished. 

The Biggies

1. Pass all my first year exams without resits: this one is pretty self explanitory, I plan to put  alot more effort into my course this semester and not just scrape a pass in the finals 

2. Go to Kavos and enjoy myslef: I am a worrier. I stress about everything outside my control, so I am making it my mission to ensure I let my hair down a little in Kavos and enjoy myself while im there

3. Get a tattoo: I have been dreaming of getting tattoos since I was about 14 but due to me being a giant wuss I keep putting it off. I am absoloutly determined to get at least one before summer though.

4. Make a new recipie every week: I want to get back into cooking and enjoy it. I used to love cooking new things, but since I have moved out it has become more of a chore than for enjoyment.

5. Do something that scares you: As i've already said I am a stresser and a wimp. I tend to stick in my comfort zone as much as humanly possible but it is good to break out every once and a while.

6. Be more comfortable in my own body: I have always had a lot of body image problems but I really want to nip that in the bud as much as I can and stop it from holding me back.

The small ones

1. Visit Kelvingrove art gallery: Another thing I have been meaning to do since I moved to Glasgow but keep putting off becuase the thought of going on the Subway to get there scares me. 

2. Visit the Necropolis: Oh look, another think I keep putting off. I really want to walk to the necropolis and cathedral one day to take some really nice pictures.

3. Eat at Bills in Glasgow: I recently discovered that there was a Bills in Glasgow and I really want to visit at some point.

4. Go to the EyeBall: The Optics end of year ball that involves wearing a dress and socialising with new people. This is one thing that I will definatley have to psych myslef up for 

5. Buy a high end lipstick: I love makeup. I am obsessed. I want to treat myself to a REALLY high end lipstick at some point, maybe YSL or Charlotte Tillbury. 

6. Go to Edinburgh for the day: Again, something that I have been meaning to do since I moved here. Ive only been to edinburgh twice before and both times hold some not too nice memories so I'd really like to go back and make some new ones.

7. Blog more: I really got out of the habit of blogging when I went to uni but recently I have been missing it a lot, so I want to try and make time to blog a little bit more this year. 

The one where I am a typical student

In the past (almost) 3 months of being at university I have come to realise that there are a few things you cannot escape during your time as a student. There are some seemingly preposterous situations that you will without a doubt find yourself in no matter how hard you try, some good and some that you would rather never be mentioned ever again. Following on from my last post where I mentioned that I feel some people are not fully prepared for the downsides of university life, I decided to compile a little list of these situations that you will, without a shadow of a doubt, find yourself in within your first few weeks at university.

Things that will happen when you go to University:
1. 1am will become an early night and 11am will become an early morning
2. 9am lectures will become a no-go
3. You will require afternoon naps
4. At some point you will wake up covered in your own sick after a particularly brutal night out (especially if drunk you thinks that tequila is a good idea)
5. You will experience the taste of sour milk after you forget how long is has been open for when trying to make yourself some cereal at 3am

6. Best before dates no longer exist
7. Vegetables are a distant memory
8. You will stay up till 5am watching Netflix. At least twice per week.
9. You will miss home no matter how excited you were to move out
10. You will seriously question how much you even need a degree when its 8.50am, you've had 2 hours sleep, you have a lecture in 10 minutes and your bed has never been more comfortable

11. You will realise that uni is not as glamorous as you thought it would be: it is tears and it is stress and it is real
12. Your flatmates will make you question whether a 15 year jail sentence it worth it for a decent nights sleep
13. You will begin to hate the sight of pizza after cooking for yourself for 3 weeks
14. And you will realise why all normal people have a dishwasher
15. You will run out of underwear but just rock the commando look for a few days because who even needs underwear anyway
16. You will make the 'executive decision' to skip a lecture since all the information goes up online but still feel guilty as hell

If you have anymore typical student experiences then feel free to leave them in the comments as I would love to see other peoples take on this. Until next time.

The one where Uni is not all it's cracked up to be

I penned my last little blog post in the midst of a flurry of change in my life. Now that things have had a little while to settle down and I have got myself into a nice little routine, I thought it about time I update you all on my progress (or lack thereof).

Over the past month since I last posted in my little online comfort zone I have discovered many things about myself. The main thing that I have realised is that I am not somebody who was designed to live far away from home. I am without a doubt, 100% a home bird. No matter how much my parents piss me off or how irritating my little brother can get, I would take all of that tenfold to be able to be in my cozy little family home right now. I enjoy my own space, don't get me wrong, but honestly there is nowhere that I would rather be right now than with my parents and me brother.

About a month after I moved down to Glasgow I headed back up home for the weekend and I cried pretty much the whole time. I cried on the train going home. I cried when my parents met me at the station. I cried when I climbed into my very own bed for the first time in four weeks because my bed smelt like my bed and my pillows felt like my pillows. You get the drift. I was a mess. One week after this little visit I decided that the prospect of not going home again until Christmas was not one that I could face so alas I decided the forgo two of my lectures in the middle of November and go home for a day instead.

I feel like nobody really prepares you for the bad side of university. The whole way through high school it's spun as this amazing experience that you will remember for the rest of your life, but it has so many downsides. After the fun and games of freshers week is over, its really just like school but much, much harder.

I have a pretty full on course compared to lots of other people so I can fully expect to be in university from around 9am until 5pm all week, but that's not the end of it. I then have to come back to my flat to then go over lecture notes, write up lab reports, do further reading, prepare for labs/tutorials/lectures the next day... It goes on and on and on.

Add all that studying to having to cook or prepare every meal you eat, wash the dishes every day, washing your own clothes, having to go out and do a food shop and god forbid working all weekend... It all adds up to you having little to no time to yourself. How the stigma of uni students being out drinking every night arose I have no idea because I certainly don't have the time. My favourite part of the day has become the few hours I have to spare between finishing my lecture prep and going to sleep, and even that I have to organise to work out whether I'm going to use it to clean, shower, catch up on some missed sleep or relax with a movie. 

Don't get me wrong though, I have had a good experience so far I just feel that in my constant daydreaming about moving to Glasgow for months on end wasn't exactly taking into account the practical aspects of university life. Some days are ok, other days I just want to curl up into a ball and drown my sorrows in Grey's Anatomy for 12 hours straight. But in the end I just need to keep reminding myself why I have to put myself through this right now as in the long run I will certainly be greatful that 18 year old homesick me decided to suck it up and get on with it.

The One Where I Move To Glasgow

As many of you will know if you have been reading this blog for a while now, I have spent the past few months preparing to move away from the dreary countryside town that I grew up in to the big city lights of Glasgow for University. After months of planning, paperwork and stress the time finally came this past Saturday and now here I am in the center of the city in my little home away from home.

I'm going to put it simply, I was absolutely terrified about moving away from everything that I have ever known. I had spent the past five years dreaming of escaping my little comfort bubble up north but as it got closer and closer to moving day I began to loose all faith in myself and my decisions. I began to love the podunk little town that I used to see as a cage that stopped me from going out there and living my life, and I became much closer to my parents who I had previously had a rather strained relationship with. I didn't think that I could do it and for the last month of living at home I began to dread the inevitability of leaving. 

The only thing that kept me going was the fact that Glasgow is the only Uni in Scotland that offers my course. I had no option but to move here. There was no option just to move an hour away for me, it was either move to the big scary city or not do the course I wanted to do. I honestly believe that if I had planned on studying anything else I would not have ended up moving. And so far, moving here has been the best thing that I have ever done for myself.

I have always been a very introverted person and I always will be, but as a result of that I tend to get myself comfortable and then never stray away from what and who I know. Down here that isn't an option. I'm not a really big fan of drinking, but at Uni that's how you get to know people so its just what you have to do. Every night since I have been down here I have been to at least 2 flat parties, which is massive for me. I would never usually entertain the idea of going to a party where I know nobody but it doesn't seem quite so scary here.

Saying that only one out of the 3 nights that I have gone out resulted in drinking, but that's just a personal choice more than anything.  And every night bar the first, I have been back in my tiny home by 12pm ready to snuggle up and watch some netflix for a little while, but again that's just me. If I was going out getting bladdered every night and not getting in until 4am I would be rather concerned about myself.

So in my opinion, I am doing pretty well so far. I have made a good few friends in the last 4 days that I have been down here and had plans to meet up with someone most afternoons, whether its to do a bit of shopping or to chill in someones flat with a pizza it's all coming along quite well. It's still very lonely, and yesterday I spent a good 3 hours contemplating buying a train ticket to head back up home for a few days, which I am sure will happen quite regularly, I succeeded in convincing myself that if I went home that I wouldn't come back and that I am capable of doing this. 

Wanderlust

Now that school is over and I have a good three months free before I head off to University in September, the reality of working full time up until I leave has really hit. I am constantly tired, struggling to find enough hours in the day and losing out on spending time with friends. I am the kind of person who generally operates best on an average of 5 hours sleep per night. I'm talking going to bed at 2 or 3am then getting up for school the next day at 7. Turns out that isn't really possibly when you work 8 hour shifts. Trying to get anything done and organised is like pulling teeth as by the time I get home in the evenings I am so tired that I put on my comfies and snuggle up with some Netflix so my days off are spent catching up on friends lives and doing boring things like paperwork.

Because of this my desire to just up and leave for a few weeks and visit someplace new has increased tenfold. Don't get me wrong, I do love my job and look forward to Uni but the idea of escaping all the responsibility for a little while isn't exactly an unpleasant thought. 

Traveling has always been a big aspiration of mine. The freedom of being financially stable enough to explore the world a little is one thing that I am certainly looking forwards to about graduating from university in the future. I even have little lists in many a places written out with the cities and countries that are at the top of my travel bucket list along with the different things that I wish to do there.

Once I have finished Uni, I without a doubt want to go back to Paris. Before I visited the city I wasn't really that interested in travelling there, I guess just because I presumed it would never be as good as it is made out to be. Oh how wrong I was. The little taster I got of the beautiful city whilst on the school trip was just enough to leave me craving more. I'm not even joking when I say that I was genuinely considering going back to Paris for a few nights at the end of Summer this year just so that I could re-visit some of my favorite places and add some new ones to the mix that we unfortunately didn't get to see when we were there in March. I have accepted, however, that Paris will be a much more enjoyable experience once I have finished University and have a little more money to spend and who knows, maybe somebody to share the trip with.

Also high up on my list is Seattle. I was one of those teenagers who was completely obsessed with Twilight and ever since looking up Seattle after it was mentioned in the book or something, I have been a little (a lot) determined to visit the city. I kind of forgot about how drawn I was to the city for a few years but then after watching Greys I rediscovered my desire to visit and have unashamedly been searching for affordable flights ever since. I have each and every thing that I want to do whilst in the city planned to a T and I am unfortunately not even exaggerating. It's slightly disturbing. I can't quite explain why I'm so drawn to Seattle, I have never even had that great of a desire to visit America before so my obsession with Seattle baffles me.

When I visited Crete last year I became dead set on the fact that at some point I need to stay in Santorini. The images of sprawling towns of perfectly aged white housed with beautifully pained blue roofs overlooking the sun setting over the water has been etched into my brain ever since. I love greek food and the relaxed atmosphere that is always present there, and I'm not even going to think about the wonderful heat as I will get extremely jealous of the fact that my parents are going back in a months time and try to sneak onto the plane with them or something.

This isn't even the tip of the iceberg of places I want to visit. I also want to volunteer in South Africa after my 3rd year of uni, spend some time in Iceland and go InterRailing around Europe, in particular visiting the art museums in Italy. I just need to keep my fingers crossed that I will be lucky enough to get the opportunity to visit these beautiful places in the hopefully not so distant future.

May Favorites

And so another month is coming to its end, and we all know what that means. A monthly favorites post. I have been loving reading these kinds of cute little blog posts and since it has been a good while since I posted one of my own, I thought it was about time to update you all on what I have been loving recently.

Beauty

There are quite a few products that I have been using religiously this month, the first being the new L'Oreal Infallible Matte Primer. I first saw this in a youtubers American beauty haul and I have been keeping an eye out for it in Boots ever since. When I was down in Glasgow last month I spotted both the primer and the matching foundation and decided to pick both up. I absolutely love this primer. To be honest, I have never really used primers all that much before as every one that I have tried just hasn't done all that much for my skin but this works wonders. I just smooth some of this onto my face after cleansing and moisturising and it keeps my makeup looking fresh and shine free all day. I wasn't really a fan of the matching foundation, choosing instead to use the primer with my trusty Rimmel Long Lasting Finish 25 Hour Foundation as its a higher coverage and it works beautifully. 

Another beauty favorite of mine this month has been the Soap & Glory Brow Archery and I use the shade Hot Chocolate.My brow product knowledge is pretty poor as I'm relatively new to the whole doing your eyebrows thing but after trying quite a few products, this one seems to work best for me. You literally cannot go wrong with this product. It makes doing your brows super quick and easy and there is quite a good colour selection with the product also.

Skincare

Well we all know this is the bit where I ramble on about my favorite Lush bath products of the month now don't we? This month I will not disappoint. When I go into Lush I tend to be one of those really annoying people that just stick to bath bombs but no. I branched out this month. The first product that I have been enjoying using is the SkinDrink Moisturiser. One of the lovely girls that works in the Buchanan Street store in Glasgow was nice enough to give me a few testers of their different facial moisturisers and this was by far my favorite. I still cannot get over how soft and wonderfully hydrated my skin feels after using this product, and I will definitely be purchasing the full size pot at some point in the near future. 

My favorite bath product of the month is going to have to be the Lush Amandopondo bubble bar. I, again, am a bit of a novice when it comes to bubble bars but I could not resist the smell of this beauty. After buying this and a good few other products I actually had them in a backpack for the remainder of the day in Glasgow as we were going to a concert in the evening and by god, each time I opened my bag I just got a waft of wonderfulness. I originally thought that it was the Space Girl bath bomb giving off this beautiful scent but it was this bubble bar. I may or may not have used quite a few of these over the past month.

Haircare

After having my hair dyed a dark violet/burgundy colour at the start of April, I have been trying to take good care of my hair in order to maintain my colour as much as possible. I have also taken to blowdrying my hair in the evening after my shower as opposed to letting it dry at night so I have been using the Argan Oil hair treatment in my hair while it is still damp in order to abolish the dreaded frizz. 

Book

If you have read my last book review you will know that my favorite book of May has been Wait For Me by J Lynn. You can read my last review here if you fancy checking that out. Basically, I adored the book and connected to the protagonist so much. I have actually purchased the other books in the series in the hopes that I love them just as much, and hope I enjoy them just as much.

Tv Show

Ok, so at the end of last month I got Netflix which may be the best or worst decision I have ever made. One one hand I finally jumped on the Pretty Little Liars bandwagon but on the other hand, literally all I did over study leave was watch it. Which may very well be detrimental to me getting into uni in September. But anyway, I finally caved and watched Pretty Little Liars. To be honest, up until season 3 I kind of hated it, but after being told by many people that you just have to keep at it and that it does get better I carried on watching. They were right. I was hooked and after finishing 5 seasons in 2 weeks, I cannot wait for season 6 to come out! 

This month I also got back into Grey's Anatomy after not watching it for about 2 months, which is shocking going from watching around 5 episodes per day minimum to none for 2 months. Life just got a little hectic but alas I began to crave my Mcdreamy fix and restarted the tv show for the third time. Yes, I am aware that this may be bordering on obsession at this point but to be honest I'm just grasping at straws as to why I cannot subject myself to the pain of season 11. I refuse to accept that it exists.

Summer is near

While autumn is undoubtedly my favorite season, think warm baths and falling leaves, I have to say I am very partial to summer. After the harsh Scottish winter that generally tends to last from about November to late March, you begin to miss the warmth of the sun on your skin and the smell of heat in the air. 

My favorite parts of summer are the beginning and the end of the season. I love the excitement of the sun coming out and realising that it is actually warm enough outside to ditch the jacket and throw on a pair of shorts. I love the atmosphere of heading down to the beach for the first picnic of the year and knowing that everyone else there has the same idea of just relaxing for a little while out of the town and soaking in the sun. I love the mad rush in supermarkets on the first day of BBQ season to grab all the salad and cocktails available before everything is all snapped up. I love the easy breezy attitude of spontaneous garden parties and family outings to enjoy some fresh air and the sea breeze.

Don't get me wrong, among all my romantic notions of summer I do detest the sweaty sheen that is always present on my forehead, having to shave my legs all the time and being inevitable stuck inside at work on the warmest days. But the great days more than make up for that. It's true what they say that everyone is happier in summer.

I also look forward to the transition of summer to autumn, when the nights begin to get longer, the temperature cooler and the clothes thicker. I think that there is a great sense of joy in being able to see the seasons slowly meld into each other and being unable to tell them apart until one day it is pretty darn obvious in the rainy October downpours that it is no longer summer and despite the warmth of the morning, definitely not appropriate to be donning the shorts and shades.

Summer to me is like freedom. It is the time to let go and to just be.To let your insecurities go and simply live. To list all the things that you are scared of doing and to damn well do them anyway. Summer is a time to prove to yourself what you've really got and how far you can push your limits.

Summer of Freedom

Earlier today I sat my very last exam of my high school career. The past 6 years of my life that I have shared with the same crazy bunch of people is well and truly over and I don't really know how I feel about it. I made a post about 3 weeks ago on the night before my last day of high school and I thought that I would follow that up with a little something on the eve of my last exam. 

It's always a very strange feeling when exams are over, you have a years worth of knowledge that you no longer require and a body so stressed out you feel like your brain is about to liquidate and run out your ears (gross!). The end of exam season always signifies a new beginning but the only new beginning I have ever encountered has been the start of a new school year, but obviously this is not the case this time. 

I think the biggest thing is that I don't quite know what to do with myself. For the past few years generally all of my free time has been filled with homework, studying, worrying about homework and studying or procrastinating to avoid homework and studying. I have none of that now. It feels like I have nothing to work towards in a way which is an unsettling feeling as if you have been following my blog for a while you will know that I almost always set goals to aim for. I don't have any goals at the moment. 

In some ways I feel like that is a good thing, that I can just live a little. Just be. But on the other hand I have the knowledge that at 9am tomorrow morning I am headed into work where I will be 5 days a week for the next 4 months. In some respects I feel like I will just be watching the summer pass me by as by the time I get a day off I just need to relax a little after a hectic week and have no desire whatsoever to go looking for adventures. 

I want to make a list, a summer bucket list of sorts. I used to do this when I was younger, make a colourful list in a pretty little notebook of all the things I wanted to accomplish over my 6 week break from school that inevitable ended up gathering dust under my bed somewhere. This year I want to check off a few things before I go off to University in September. Am I being over assumptious? 100% yes. Of course I am. But I'm damn well going to try.

Ask me now what I want to put on this list and I will tell you I have no idea. This wasn't even what I had planned for this post but let's just roll with it. I shall keep you updated (I promise I will this time) on my summer goals and maybe even write a little blog post on how each of them turns out. We will just have to wait and see how everything turns out.

All things come to an end

I am writing this on the night before my final day of high school. Today I had my last taught periods in the school that I have been going to for the past 6 years and with the friends I have known for the last 13. Tomorrow I will go back into the school for one final time as a student to say goodbye to teachers who have taught me for 3 years in some cases and experience my first taste of a graduation ceremony of sorts. It's a bittersweet feeling.

As many of you will know, high school didn't hold many fond memories up until this year. Before I reached my final year in the hell hole I couldn't wait to leave and in some respects I am still excited at the prospect of this time in my life coming to an end. This year however has seen me change a considerable amount. I am much more confident in myself and I have found it a lot easier to make friends. I have gone to having only two close friends so around 20 or so people that I feel completely comfortable around which for me is a shocker. This year has also made me more sure of what I want to do in the future and for that I will never forget it.

The idea that this time tomorrow, actually in around 15 hours from now, I will no longer be a high school student is terrifying. Yes, I still have exams to sit starting next week before I'm finally free but officially I will no longer be in the education system. The next taught class I have will be a lecture in September that I will be paying five grand a year for. That's whats scary. Moving to Glasgow and leaving everything behind is finally starting to feel real and it is making me second guess myself. Not about moving but about whether I'm ready to move five hours away from everything that I know.

I think my main issue is that this year I have become comfortable. I have expanded my previously minuscule comfort zone, occasionally still stretching the walls, but the thought of having to leave it scares me. I'm worried that when I'm no longer in this bubble of comfort I will no longer feel as secure and go back to my old ways of constant anxiety and never ending worrying. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared to leave school as I'm unsure as to whether I've actually changes or whether I've just become comfortable in the school environment. But I guess its time to find out.

I have made plans with friends for over the next few months in order to ensure I do keep in contact with them and have things to look forward to. For example, tomorrow after graduation me and some friends are driving to the nearest city, around an hour away, with a massive playlist of roadtrip music to sing along to and the intentions of going to see Age Of Ultron and go get some pizza. It's good to have things to look forward to I find that it helps me move forward and not get stuck in how I'm feeling at the time.

I guess I should go and get on with preparing my outfit for tomorrow since we are all dressing up, but I just thought I would write something quick so that I can look back on it in the future, maybe when I'm in uni to remind myself of how silly I was being, or later when I'm preparing for my next graduation which will be more exciting than this one. Well, wish me good luck for tomorrow, I just hope I don't cry to much and look like a crazy person.

My little European adventure

So if you've been following this blog for a little while then you will know that at the end of last month I was going away on a trip away to Belgium and Paris for a few days. I've compiled some of my favorite photos here to share with you, and you can find more over on my Instagram page. 

One of the war grave sites we visited in Belgium. Witnessing the vast expanse of graves, of which many held no names, was such an incredibly moving experience.

First view of the Eiffel Tower from the bus, my favorite moment of the trip. It was such an incredible moment being able to witness this monument that is adored all over the world. I just feel so honored to have had the chance to visit it never mind go up it. 

My favorite building in Paris, the Notre Dame. We unfortunately only got to witness it from the boat while on our river cruise but it is certainly something that I look forward to visiting at a later date. I am already mentally planning another trip to Paris.

Diksmuide, Belgium. This was the cute little town that we stayed at whilst in Belgium. It's such a pretty traditional village to wander around.

The Arc de Triomophe in Paris.This is as close as we got due to time restrictions but I cannot begin to describe how beautiful it is in real life.This photo does not do it justice.

The view of some of the pretty buildings while going
on the boat down the Seine river in Paris. Even the houses in Paris were incredibly beautiful.

Again, a photo from when we were on the
river boat cruise.

So as you can see I had a brilliant time in Belgium

 and Paris. I'm limited as to what photos I can 

post as most include photos of my friends 

and I don't feel comfortable sharing those without 

their consent but if you want to

 see more head over to my instagram. 

Disneyland Paris!!