In which I realise that maybe things will work out well after all

For a long time in my life I quite honestly didn't have all that much to be particularly optimistic about. I have had my fair share of battles and my body bears the scars to prove it, some of them physical and others not so much. I refer to these as the 'dark and twisty's,' and yes I got that from Grey's. There was an extensive period of time in which I honestly didn't think that I would reach a point in my life where I was genuinely excited about the future but alas, that time has come.

Since I started High School I have been working my butt off with the intentions of getting into University but for a long time I had little idea what I wanted to peruse as a degree there, then in January last year my eyes were opened to the world of Optometry (pun not intended) and for the past year I have been putting every ounce of energy into getting into an Optometry course in Glasgow.

 In December last year my slaved over UCAS application was sent away and I spent the weeks following freaking out over the fact that my ultimate goal to become an Optometrist wouldn't be achieved due to the 'dark and twisty's' causing my exam results to be a little below where I had expected. After two months of waiting to hear back I had all but given up.

But this Monday while I was at work I happened to check my emails, as had become routine every time I had a chance, and shockingly I had received an offer to study Optometry in Glasgow next year. To be perfectly honest it still hasn't kicked in yet, not only am I going to be moving to city that makes me feel alive, I am going to be doing what I love. I get the chance to move out and learn how to be my own person without my parents, be myself and let my hair down every once in a while.

I still have to get an A in higher history this year but my hopes are high and let me tell you something, I will be working my ass off to get that god damned A. Getting in is so close and there is no other option other than achieving an A in history. 

There was a moment in school today where the sheer immensity of this began to hit me, that this moment that I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl was actually beginning to come true. In a few short months I will be packing up my life and moving down to a city populated by over 600,000 people. I will be simply a part of a crowd. I will know nobody, I can make an entirely new fresh start. I will no longer simply be my parents daughter, I will be my own person with my own life that I am in charge of.

Review: The Edge of Never by J A Redmerski

2.5/5 stars

As usual, I bought this book quite a while ago and have been putting off reading it after seeing a few rather questionable reviews on goodreads, but in the end I just decided to give it a try for myself to see what the controversy was about. The book...it was ok, nothing to write home about but not terrible. It did that thing where it was average the whole way through then had a tear-jerker of an ending that makes you think the whole book was great when in actuality only the ending was and that really gets on my nerves.

So we have Camryn Bennett, a 20 year old who is fed up with her monotonous regular going-nowhere life where she works at a department store. Her boyfriend Ian died from a tragic car accident while they were in high school, her parents divorced, her brother Cole went to prison for killing a man during a drunk accident, and her best friend since second grade accuses her of being a lying bitch. So basically her life is shit. She decides it's time to quit living for everyone else...and start living for herself. And so she does. She sets out to leave North Carolina on a road trip to Idaho. When she gets on a bus and starts her new found self-discovery...everything changes.

I don't know whether it's just because I've been in a major reading slump right now or what but to most people this book it like marmite: you love it or you hate it. But this book, it was just a bit 'eh.' It was nothing special. The first half of the book was in all honesty a bit of a drag but all of a sudden it picks up pace and then lets be honest, if the author cut out a lot of the first half of the book and instead developed what was the potential for a remarkably good ending that fell short, this could have been a much better book. 

I disliked the protagonist. I vehemently disliked her. Cam is the kind of perfect girl men start fights for and best friends get jealous of because their boyfriends have wanted her from 7th grade. I could NOT understand what guys saw in this waste of human cells. I'll refrain from saying more about her, because she's just not worth the effort. Check out this little gem : "My hair is the kind of blonde some girls pay a salon a lot of money to have, and it stops just to the middle of my back. I admit I was lucky in the perfect hair department." Camryn is a fucking idiot. There's no nicer way to say it. She thinks every girl who isn't her is a slut, every man who she doesn't fancy is a rapist and believed depression was something people made up for attention.So she decides to do the most mature thing ever and run away, destination unknown, on a bus without telling anyone. Because, apparently, running away from problems that aren't so problematic if she actually talked to people is the answer to everything. By page five, I'd rolled my eyes hard enough to irritate a nerve, thanks to little gems like this:

Instead of sitting around dreaming up new sex positions, as Natalie often does about Damon, her boyfriend of five years, I dream about things that really matter. What the air in other countries feels like on my skin, how the ocean smells, why the sound of rain makes me gasp. 'You're so deep, Camryn' Damon always says.

Andrew is absolutely sweet and swoony and really helps Cam find herself along the way, but I couldn't overlook all the other things in this story that were predictable and really bothered me to give this a higher rating. If you're looking for a coming of age story and don't mind a somewhat predictable plot with a big bow at the end ... this might be for you.

Sharing the love

As you will all undoubtedly know by this point, I am slightly (insanely) in love (obsessed) with Grey's Anatomy. I love the way in which the characters story's intertwine so flawlessly and that it is a show not centered around one or two people but instead a whole host of people and a wide array of problems are tackled. 

One of my favorite things about the show is that sometimes, usually a few times per episode, a character will say something that hits you so deep it makes you have to take a break and reevaluate things a little. At least it's that way for me, so I decided to share with you some of my personal favorite quotes from the show. 

T5W: books that take place in your country

It has been a while since I last posed a t5w post but hopefully life has settled down enough now so that I have a little more time to spend making blog posts. Top 5 Wednesday is a discussion hosted by GingerReadsLainey over on youtube in which we post our top 5 books of a certain topic each Wednesday. This weeks topic is my top 5 books set in my area/country or region. I live in the North East of Scotland so its safe to say I am very limited as to the books that I have read which are set in my area, so I think I'm going to have to broaden this a little to just be books set throughout Scotland. This week has been a really difficult week for books with only one being an obvious choice to me, but without further ado here is my top 5 books that are set in my country.

Harry Potter Series by J K Rowling

Everyone and their mother has read Harry Potter but many people tend to forget that Hogwarts is actually set in Scotland and in fact you can visit and go over the famous Glenfinnan viaduct that you see the Hogwarts Express go across (you know, the one with the flying car?). There's also Loch Sheil which was used various times as a backdrop for Hogwarts and Steall Falls in Glen Nevis which were used for the filming of the dragon battle scene in the Goblet of Fire, and close by is where they filmed the backdrop of the Quidditch matches.. J K Rowling herself wrote parts of the Harry Potter books while in The Elephant House cafe which still remains in the heart of Edinburgh, you can even visit yourself and grab a cup of tea. There is also a Potter Trail Tour that you can go on in Edinburgh which visits this cafe along with the grave in which Rowling got the inspiration for Voldemort.  

Macbeth by William Shakespeare

The world famous play by Shakespeare is set remarkably close to where I live, with some mention of a small town thats roughly 10 minutes from where I live.

The Water Horse by Dick King-Smith

I couldn't talk about Scottish books without putting in something with some relation to the Loch Ness Monster now could I? 

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

Yes, I know, I haven't actually read this book yet but I'm grasping at straws here. I don't tend to read a lot of books set in Scotland because one, there arent many, and two, it kind of sucks here so why would I want to read about it? But I have heard fabulous things about this book series and plan to pick it up soon.

On Dublin Street by Samantha Young

Another one that I haven't actually read yet I'm afraid but it is another that I have heard good things about and plan to pick up in the near future. 

The Grey's Anatomy Tag

So I have decided to undertake the seemingly massive task of doing the Grey's Anatomy tag. I'm going to keep my answers short and sweet as this is a long tag, so lets get going.

1. Favorite male character?

Mark Sloan

2. Favorite female character?

Oh gosh this one is hard, its a toss up between Cristina, Callie and Addison

3. Favorite friendship?

Hands down Meredith and Cristina

4. Favorite couple?

Lexie/Sloan

5. Least favorite male character?

George O'Malley

6. Least favorite female character?

Jane Doe/Rebecca Pope/Ava

7. Least favorite friendship?

Izzy and George

8. Least favorite couple?

Cristina and Burke

9. Favorite actor?

Patrick Dempsey

10. Favorite season?

Season 5 

11. Favorite actress?

Kate Walsh (Addison) 

12. Least favorite season?

Season 8

13. Favorite quote?

'We screw boys like whores on tequila, then either try to marry them or drown'

14. Favorite episode?

Either the one where Derek proposes, the one with the candle house, the post-it marriage or the one when Derek draws on his and Meredith's bedroom wall

15. Least favorite episode?

The one where Derek is shot and Meredith miscarries 

16. Favorite surgery?

The Judy Dolls

17. Favorite place in the hospital?

Nurses Station 

18. A scene that made you cry?

Denny dying, realising George is John Doe, Cristina operating on Derek after the shooting, Meredith drowning, George in his army uniform and Izzy in the prom dress, the singing episode when Callie is in the car crash, Lexie and Sloan dying, Cristina leaving, Cristina telling Meredith that she is the sun and Meredith almost dying during child birth.

19. A scene that made you laugh?

Cristina dancing with Burke and the one where she sings Like A Virgin in the morgue

20. A scene that made you angry?

Basically the whole Ghost Denny and Izzy situation and when Teddy's husband died

21. Most epic Grey's Anatomy moment?

'Choose me. Pick me. Love me.'

22. Character you miss the most?

Cristina, Sloan and Addison

23. Favorite season finale?

Candle house. 100% the candle house.

24. Saddest death?

George's death was horrible but I didn't really like him that much, but seeing all the home videos of Sloan when he dies was brutal

Lets make this new chapter full of adventure

Everyone gets the urge to just run away and start afresh every now and then, it's human nature. I know this sounds cliché, but I believe everyone is allowed a fresh start. Everyone is allowed to walk away from a past that did not support their sense of self, so that they can find their ultimate purpose. The power is not in the anger about the past. The power is in leaving the past behind.

If there's one thing I have learned in my life its that sometimes it's just best to walk away. You can't make people be who you want them to be, and when you come to the realisation that the people you have surrounded yourself with your entire life are not the people you have built them up to be in your mind and don't act in the way that your subconscious forces you to believe, it's best to walk away. All my life, since I was a little girl, if someone was doing something that I didn't want to do I would simply walk away and leave it behind me. Now I'm just ready to do that on a larger scale. 

I'm ready to move on and be someone different. In the past year I have changed on so many levels in a way that never fails to scare the everloving crap out of me, but it is this change that has led me to love who I am. I have changed for the better and I have accepted who I am but I feel that now what I need is the room to flourish and to be this person, no longer shoved into the little box that has been built up around me the depicts who I used to be. 

I need to smash this box down, rip out of it, and that's not something I can do here. I need to cut myself loose and move away from here to some where bigger and less stifling. To somewhere I can thrive. The idea of being stuck in the place my entire life is one that I do not want to live out.

I'm tired of being someone afraid to take risks because there is a chance that it might be a mistake. I want to make mistakes. I want to go out there and do stupid crap because maybe all the things that I've been afraid to do my whole life wont be mistakes and if they turn out to be the wrong chocies then ok, I will just learn from them. I tired of being someone who's biggest concern is making other people happy. I want to be a little selfish sometimes. I want to do what makes me happy and say f*$# it to the rest occasionally because I deserve to be happy. I want to get tattoos because I love them, I want to be able to do things because I want to and not stop myself from doing them as a result of other peoples opinions. 

And deep down I know its ridiculous. I know that moving away wont solve all my problems. I know that all I'll be doing is effectively running away from them, but in this running away I will ensure that these problems are no longer mine. I long for the day when the biggest problems and drama I have in my life are about stupid inconsequential crap that everyone worries about like boy drama and short lived spats in the workplace. 

When I move out in September I want everything that I take with me, bar the obvious things like clothes and makeup ect, to be new. New bedding and ornaments and pillows and crockery. I know it's stupid, to expect that surrounding myself with new things will allow me to be a new person but sometimes that's all you need to feel a little different. Changed. Better.

I'm simply done with a place that holds all these memories of a time that I would like to move on from, no not forget as that would be stupid as then I wouldn't be able to learn from the mistakes made, but to move on. I want to live the life I have always imagined for myself and I can't do that here with the constant fear that I will regress into the person that I used to be. 

I want to take this opportunity in both hands, grasp it tight and make the most of it. I sometimes say that I want a chapter break, a time for life to pause, to allow me to take count of everything going on in my life when things get too much. Right now however, I'm done with chapter breaks. I feel like the past few months of my life have been like those bridge chapters in books, the filler ones that simply build up to the big thing. I don't want this new chapter to be a filler chapter. I want it to be an adventure.

Review: Easy by Tammara Webber

4/5 Stars

This book has been pretty high up on my tbr pile for a couple of months now but it always just got pipped to the post slightly by another book that caught my eye. Finally though, I decided enough was enough, it was time to give it a go. I'd been looking for a book on Goodreads that was reminiscent of Beautiful Disaster in the dark and twisty way with heavily flawed characters and I was not disappointed. 

When Jacqueline follows her longtime boyfriend to the college of his choice, the last thing she expects is a breakup two months into sophomore year. After two weeks in shock, she wakes up to her new reality: she's single, attending a state university instead of a music conservatory, ignored by her former circle of friends, and failing a class for the first time in her life. Leaving a party alone, Jacqueline is assaulted by her ex's frat brother. Rescued by a stranger who seems to be in the right place at the right time, she wants nothing more than to forget the attack and that night - but her savior, Lucas, sits on the back row of her econ class, sketching in a notebook and staring at her. Her friends nominate him to be the perfect rebound. When her attacker turns stalker, Jacqueline has a choice: crumple in defeat or learn to fight back. Lucas remains protective, but he's hiding secrets of his own. Suddenly appearances are everything, and knowing who to trust is anything but easy.

Lets be honest here, the book wasn't anything entirely new or groundbreaking, it wasn't insanely romantic and it wasn't perfectly written. But I think that's why I enjoyed it so much. It was real. I like books that feel real to me. The protagonist Jacqueline, is my kind of character. I liked her voice, her strong personality. After what almost happened to her in the beginning of the book she could still pretend that her life was (almost) the way it used to and she still managed to keep her head up and confront whatever it was to confront. Yes, she needed a bit of time to recover, but that only makes her human and that only makes me like her more. If I had to describe her in a few words I would say that she was really stubborn and she almost always knew what she wanted (and how to get it).

Even though she still had some feelings for her ex she wouldn't have left him back in after that embarrassing break-up (that's the spirit!). She also has a great best friend (Erin), a bit crazy but lovely nevertheless, and this made me happy because I love to read about good friends that can be there for each other. There was a lot of humor involved and that was also great because some topics were pretty hard to digest and my heart needed a few happy moments here and there.

As for Lucas, he was once a bad-boy, still had the bad boy “image” and we all know how much I love a bad boy. He was fierce and protective when need be, but he was also a sweet gentle soul *sigh*! He is the stuff YA romance novels are made of, every girl’s dream. Jacqueline was a little naïve in comparison, but with some nudging from her awesome, brazen, loyal roommate and friend Erin, she empowered herself with the knowledge and skills that allowed her to take a stand.

The story is well-written, compact, but complete. Initially I didn’t think that the length of the book would allow the story to develop properly, but it did and the epilogue finished it off nicely. It left me very satisfied. This is the fourth book that I’ve read from Tammara Webber and I look forward to seeing what this gifted author has in store for us. I highly recommend this read and the other books she has to offer.