Memories

I have spent the past few evening trawling through photo albums bursting with pictures of my past self. It's a rather odd feeling looking at pictures of yourself when you were 6 and seeing a park for what seems like the first time, or when you were 3 and listening to your parents relive a particularly embarrassing situation that you got them into with such clarity you could almost swear it was only last week. It got me thinking. Memories are a strange thing. They are little pieces of our past that we cling to with hopeless abandon that we retain in our mind and replay when we need to feel a sense of comfort. 

Yet what decides what becomes a memory, and what is forgotten forever? It's a terrifying thought that a particularly spectacular moment much just slip through the cracks never to be recalled. I suppose that's why we are all now constantly snapping photos with our cameras and phones, desperately attempting to hold on to every second of our lives and document it for future enjoyment and reflection.

Is it a subconscious decision which memories we hold on to and which ones we toss away? Surely in that case we would no-longer have to recall painful experiences though, and the thought of not having these slip-ups pop into my head to steer away from whenever I'm about to make the same mistake is quite unsettling. Or is it simply that over a period of time we no longer value these memories so highly that they are simply unimportant? That once we have learned from them they are not of use to us?  

And whats to say that our memories are in fact correct? In my opinion there is a very slim chance that we can recall a conversation or situation perfectly, so how much of these are memories and how much are just figments of our imagination? Ideas we have used to flesh out the parts we can recall and connect the dots? If thats the case, over time do memories loose all fact? 

And then there are the memories that you didn't know you had. When you smell something and it immediately transports you back to a holiday 3 years ago, or when you hear a song from 2006 on the radio and without thinking can belt out all the lyrics and hum along to the instrumental even though you cant even recall hearing the song before.  

There is no denying however, the pure magic that memories are. No matter how much they baffle me I will never underestimate how spectacular they can be. It's true what they say that you never fully appreciate a moment until it becomes a memory. So go out into the world and make some good ones, because when you're old and grey I can assure you, there will be nothing better than looking back and laughing at your awkward teenage self, no matter how embarrassing they might seem to you now. 

When Fears Become Favorites...

It's a very strange feeling when something that used to scare the living daylights out of you becomes one of the things you look forward to the most in the world. It is very unsettling to discover that something you had accepted as a constant in your life completely changes form. 

Sometimes it is all at once. One day a situation, place or person can be a routine avoidance and cause of worry, and then out of nowhere your world has altered forever and there is a vast change in your mentality. And then other times it slowly creeps out of nowhere, changing one thought at a time until you begin to think to yourself, 'this isn't so scary anymore' and you steadily gain confidence in your abilities. 

I have many fears, a few somewhat rational - horses, cliffs and bumps in the night - and others just barking mad. But one thing that leaves me quaking in my boots is interacting with strangers. The thought of putting myself out there in front of people who have every right to judge me based on their first impressions of my body language, appearance, and the undoubtedly stupid words that exit my mouth terrifies me. 

But a few months ago that began to change. I began to enjoy conversing with different people from all walks of life and discovering new things about them. I found myself loving it. But the biggest thing I have learned is that it is us who justify these fears to ourselves. 

I had no reason to fear interactions with these people. It was me who had built it up in my mind to be 10 times worse than in reality, and as I began to discover it was I who was at fault. I had been judging every person, just as I had been fearing they would of me, automatically expecting the worse from them.

So I guess what I'm trying to get at is try something new. Rip your way out of that cozy comfort zone you have built for yourself and try something new. You just might surprise yourself.